By Peter FitzSimons, Sydney Morning Herald
What is wrong with you bastards?
Let me start with the egg-ballers first. Just how ingrained are your ancient prejudices against football, that you continue to not give a flying doughnut about the greatest football team this country has ever seen?
In the top v bottom clash Sydney stole the lead after the break and added another at the end to give themselves a two goal win over the Newcastle Jets.
(And I do mean the greatest of all codes of football in that claim, but meantime, don’t you DARE call our game by its “slave-name” of “soccer”, because we find that offensive, particularly when it comes from you egg-ballers, you aerial ping-pongers, you knuckle-dragging Neanderthal nutter leaguies, you poncy rah-rahs who delight in putting your heads between other men’s thighs. And don’t you ever fail to acknowledge that ours is the only true world game, the only real beautiful game the only … but don’t get me started, because … I can go on a bit.)
I am, of course, talking about Sydney’s own team, Sydney FC, who after last week’s 2-0 victory again Newcastle in the Hyundai Kawasaki Honda Toyota Panasonic A-League, can now, officially, “lay claim to being the greatest team in Australian football history”.
True! As we Sydney FC nutters know only too well, our boys have nailed 66 points from a possible 81 in our 20 fabulous victories, from 27 starts. The previous record was held by Brisbane Roar, who had just 65 points, and our boys of Sydney FC got their points on three fewer games!
You get it?
Your tragically absurd prejudices aside, this really is the greatest team Australian football has ever had – think St George from 1956 to 1966, the 1991 Wallabies and Hawthorn in the golden years, all wrapped in one – and yet what do they get for it?
A mooted parade down George St? The freedom of the city? The need for security to be doubled at their every appearance, and tickets to their matches being furiously sold at three times the stub price, ‘cos everybody wants to go?
Nuh. Try three-fifths of bugger all. The truth is there is more of a buzz on the streets about the Swans who of their four matches this year have won – dot six, carry two, subtract four – ZERO games. Attendances at their matches are about on par with the Waratahs, who have lately lost everything bar the will to live. Just one of the “Big Four” in the West Tigers gets more coverage if he breaks wind, than our team which – did I mention? – is Australian football’s answer to Muhammad Ali, the greatest of all time!
So what gives?
Why don’t you care?
And as a matter of fact, I don’t just mean you Neanderthal egg-ballers. You have had the shit beaten out of your brains for so long I guess you can’t be expected to care! But what about the rest of you, actual soccer nutters? Back in the day we used to get 35,000 people to a great Sydney FC game, and yet this team is cracking it wide open, playing superlative football the whole way through, and not even you lot are turning up?
Don’t you think that makes us look like dicks? Didn’t we laud it over the egg-ballers, braying how our game was going to take over, swamp the attendances of all the other games put together, say most unpleasant things about how we would kill their game off, and yet now, now we actually have a team that might be expected to fulfil some of our prophecies, we are staying home instead? Have we no pride?
I am disgusted, disgusted, do you hear me?
Our boys deserve better! The promised land is just up ahead, so where are the true believers!?!?
Peter FitzSimons is managed by The Fordham Company.